Anatomy Of A 10 Week Old Father

When we brought home little Jackson on April 2, 2007, we were delighted new parents and I had my boy. As a man who wanted children, I was of course biased and wanted a son. I know we are getting a little girl from China when that call comes in (so Daddy will have his little girl), but this adoption was simply a crap shoot. A crap-shoot that I won and got my son.

He is a joy to have and we love him dearly, but we were not prepared for this newborn. I mean we took the classes, waited several years for our child to arrive, prayed continuously, watched all of our friends who were having multiple children, paid our money, submitted ourselves to all the background checks, went through a homestudy with a social worker (3 times) and list goes on and on. Adopting is really tough…

So we bring him home and we start parenting. Sound a little whacked? It is. Anyway, we are 10 weeks into this thing and I can honestly say, there is nothing, whether biological child or not, that prepares you to be a parent. People have kids all the time, but parenting is something totally different. Below is my anatomy of being a father for the first time. My wife was just fine…took to it like a natural. But men simply don’t have this instinct. It is all biological and there is something in women that is not in men.

One more thing before I get into it. When we picked him up, I really felt like a bad person. I looked into his eyes and saw him and felt absolutely nothing for this child. I knew he was ours and we waited a long time for him, but did not feel like he was ours. The love was not there, but after talking to some friends about their own biological children, I felt a TON better that they felt the same thing. Even with their own children, they really didn’t get that bond right away. This is normal guys, so don’t freak out. Once the little ones smile back at you and start really wanting to be with you - EVERYTHING changes!

Week 1
He is a boy, so I can start playing with him right away right? Throw him around and put a glove in his hand and we are good? Of course not. But suffice to say, I really had no idea what I was doing. The wife and I put the crib in our room and woke up on every moan, cry, or silence. We were (I was) a complete wreck. No sleep would have been a step in the right direction. The prodigy woke up every couple of hours looking for food, but I was a man about it and took it like a champ (the wife would say I was a wuss, but I know better).

Week 2
I am still a guy and will take it like a man. I tell my Mom that I want the child on a schedule ASAP so we can get him sleeping through the night. She laughed. Look, I am the boss and I want him sleeping through the night - at least for a few more hours than every 3 hours waking up to crying bloody murder. Nope. Any guys out there expecting or kids on the way, DON’T fight it. Just give in to Mommy and follow her lead. Life will be MUCH better.

He went in for his circumcision during this time. This is NOT fun guys…seriously. You are starting to really care for this child and know that you will do anything for him. Our doctor was amazing and the process was great, but the aftermath was very difficult. You go through about 5 days of a lot of Vaseline and Neosporin. It was painful for him, but even more painful for us. After that fifth day, he was back to normal and his “little guy” looked like it should.

Weeks 3-4
Growth spurts always happen during this time. All the books tell you that they go through growth spurts here. Our guy was no different. He was growing a pound a week. That is crazy. He was eating like nuts and pooping like a winner. One more thing, guys, you will have new words in your vocabularies like poopies and ‘cooking the dookie’ - this last one is my favorite.

He went in for his first month’s vaccination at the end of week 4. He was in a TON of pain after these shots in his thighs. Even more so than the butchering of his manhood during the second week of his life. That seemed to be less painful afterwards. I don’t know why, but again, guys don’t freak out - I heard this was normal. Just keep giving him the infants Tylenol and bare with it. It takes about 24 hours before it subsides and then it is back to “normal” - whatever that is.

Weeks 5-7
Things are starting to get a little better. He is sleeping about 4 hours at a time and the wife and I are now getting into a routine. We are no longer BOTH waking up every time he cries for food and the kid has long been evicted to his own room. He is actually starting to grow out of his infant diapers and eating a ton more as he is in the middle of another mini growth spurt. He is starting to actually recognize our voices and he even smiles like he knows who you are. But he is probably smiling about something he saw or heard 5 minutes ago. He is still a few steps ahead of an amoeba, but that is all about to change.

Weeks 8-10
Here we are, end of week 10 and we both are really falling in love with our son. He is no longer “the child” or “the boy” - he is Jackson and starting to interact a ton more with us. Still nothing too drastic, but we are definately in his top 10 people. And the best of all, we are very lucky here, he is sleeping through the entire night. Goes down at 10 PM and wakes up at 6 AM. He has done this for 4 nights straight and he doesn’t even cry in the morning when he wakes. He just hangs out looking at the ceiling fan. We have made it.

If you did not catch on, the anatomy of the father for the first 10 weeks of my son’s life centered around the sleep deprivation that comes along with it. If you are as lucky as I am and get them sleeping by week 10, count your blessings. Some kids sleep through right away, but those are rare. Some kids take a lot longer. Nothing wrong with the kid - they are just a little different. However, it stinks for the daddy’s (and the mommy’s) out there that have to wake up in the morning and go earn the coin.

In any event, there is nothing ANYONE can tell you that can prepare you for those first 10 weeks. You simply have to live through it to understand what it means. You can’t throw down a six pack at night when you know you will be up at 3 AM feeding the kid. You can’t live like you did. You have to change your life for the short term and that is just fine. You can reclaim your old habits over time. The major disruption is worth it and getting back to your old way of doing things can wait. Without a doubt, it is worth it.

Tags: Adoption, baby, father, sleep deprivation